One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
