please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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