She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Couch. On fire.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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