If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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