Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
