yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
