worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.