I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?