does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
