You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
