Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
