come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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