Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
