piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize