you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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