all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
