Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
