i jhust puked up my retainher.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
not ubering you a puppy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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