I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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