M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
