i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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