this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
