It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
