I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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