I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
