I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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