I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
