I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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