In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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