her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
