Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
