Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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