His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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