i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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