I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
