After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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