New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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