i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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