i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
