I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is classic penis vs brain.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
