even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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