I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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