yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can I color on your dick again?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
