theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize