paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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