she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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