dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
