Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
