You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
