I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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