I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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