There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
