rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
