This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
