shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
