He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
