TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
