I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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