hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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