And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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