he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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