Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
