fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i barfeds in our rink
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
