I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
