loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize