I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
