I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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