I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
