Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
