I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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