why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
