Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
