It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just high enough for therapy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
