Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
