is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
