420 ftw
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He has the fingertips of a God
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
