ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
