I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
