; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
