i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She announced her abortion via fbk
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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