I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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