He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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