so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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