It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's no shave November. This is our time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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