bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
