is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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