dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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