My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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