The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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