two words...techno handjob
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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